As You Wish
by Shakespeare's Lemonade
Summary: The many ways Dean says "I love you" to the people around him, and the ways they say it back to him. Mild season 9 spoilers.
1. Part I

As You Wish

Rating: T for some language

Genre: Family/Friendship

Summary: the many ways Dean says "I love you" to the people around him.

A/N: there isn't meant to be any romance in this one, just Dean's screwed up feelings about his family and friends. The title comes from The Princess Bride when Wesley would say "as you wish" to tell Buttercup he loved her. This story goes out to LilyBolt and ImpalaLove for being so awesome and helping me get my feet wet in in the Supernatural fandom.

**~oOo~**

For Sam, there are so many ways, it would take too long to count. It can be as simple as the way he calls him "Sammy," or the way he becomes a complete basket case when Sam is in trouble. It's the way he let's Sam drive his car, the way he refuses to let his brother die alone, or die at all for that matter. It's the way he calls him "Bitch" and the way he always expects Sam's response: "Jerk." It's the way he's willing to give up anything for Sam. His friends, his life, his soul. Nothing is too important that Dean wouldn't let it all go for Sam.

For Cas, it's a bit more complicated. The dude's an angel for one thing. Or used to be. Dean doesn't really think of Cas in those terms. Not in so many words. It's the way he says things like "we're family" or "I need you" or even when he yells at Cas for whatever recent failing the angel committed. He wouldn't do it if he didn't care. But it's complicated because Dean wants to be as loyal to Cas as he is to Sam, but he just doesn't have it in him. There isn't that much love in him. Cas always gets the short end of the stick. It sucks. It's not fair. But that's how it is.

Then there's Charlie, the little sister he never wanted. All Dean has to do is go along with quoting one of her favorite movies:

"I love you," she says.

"I know," he replies.

It's the way he calls on Ezekiel to save her life, even though he knows it will mean a longer healing time for Sam. As long as it doesn't kill his brother, Dean is willing to risk it for Charlie. Maybe because she's so vulnerable in some ways. She's a hunter now, but she's always going to be that geeky kid who tried to attack him with a foam sword. And maybe that's why he loves her in the first place.

For Kevin, it's more practical. Dean feeds the kid, makes sure he gets enough sleep. Acts like a mother, really. Because maybe it's Dean's fault Kevin's mom is gone. And Dean is always the one who brings Kevin back from the edge, the one who reminds him that he's not just their prophet, there to do a job, but part of the family. Kevin knows he matters to Dean, and that's good enough.

There's Benny, who's dead now, but when he was alive, Dean defended him, even to Sam. The same way he defended Cas once before. Only difference was, Benny was actually innocent. Even asking him to save Sam from Purgatory was Dean's way of saying he cared about Benny. He wouldn't have asked a favor like that from anyone else.

There are countless other ways. Carrying around Bobby's flask after he died. Trusting his dad even when John clearly didn't deserve it.

Of course, Dean does remember a time when he said those three words. To his mother. In the kitchen. He hasn't said them since. He never will.


	2. Part II

As You Wish: Part II

Summary: How everyone else tells Dean they care about him.

A/N: this is an alternate perspective of the first part of "As You Wish" that came out of a suggestion from BleuAzure. There is also more John and Bobby in this one since I kind of ignored them in the last part.

**~oOo~**

It's the way Sam tries to remember to thank Dean. For always having his back. For looking out for him. Not that Sam always needs it, but he knows what it means. He knows he can never repay everything Dean has done for him, but he can be thankful. It's the way Sam puts up with the same five tapes playing in the Impala's stereo year after year, the way he's endured crappy motel rooms and greasy diner food. It's the way he trusts Dean without always needing an explanation. It's difficult for Sam to do that with anyone, but Dean of all people has earned it. Dean has always fought for their family. The least Sam can do is trust him to do just that. He might not always agree with the methods, but he knows everything Dean does is for the two of them. Because they're all they have left. That's why Sam chooses Dean in the end. Why he doesn't close the gates of Hell, even though it's all they've been working for since they realized it was possible. Because Dean has always put Sam first, and now Sam can return the favor.

It begins with secrets for Castiel. The things he shares with Dean are more personal than they seem. The doubts and fears that an angel shouldn't have are safe with Dean. It's that trust that makes Cas keep coming back, even after he's screwed up beyond all hope of forgiveness. Because Dean will always forgive him, and he's the only one Cas can trust. So, when Dean says he has to leave, Cas believes there's a purpose for it. Something Dean isn't saying. He's protecting Sam, and Cas knows that will always come first. It's comforting, actually. Dean may not care as much for Cas as he does for his brother, but that is as it should be, and because he cares about Dean, Cas will always try think of Sam the same way Dean does.

Sometimes, Charlie honestly wishes she had never met Dean and Sam Winchester. They barged into her life and destroyed her happy illusion of security. But that's the past. Nothing anyone can do about it now. And if she's honest, Charlie has always wished she had a big brother like Dean, someone to look out for her and help her deal with the insanity that has become her life. Sure, he's overbearing as hell, and that might get annoying after a while, but Charlie thinks she wouldn't mind. That's why she tells him she loves him. That's why she's not surprised when he replies by saying "I know." Which in her mind is a sure sign that he loves her too. And that's kind of awesome.

Kevin didn't always believe Dean cared about anyone other than Sam, but he thinks he gets it now. Dean acts like he doesn't care because his relationships always blow up in his face. Something always goes wrong, death or betrayal or any number of other complications. So, Kevin decides he won't be that. He'll be the faithful prophet, hiding away in the bunker as long as it takes to get back to the normal life that's seeming more and more distant now. Somehow, Dean saying Kevin is family now doesn't upset him like it should. Because the last thing Kevin ever wanted to be was family to those people, but he is now, and he's okay with it. He's lost everything else, but at least he knows he can count on Dean to always be there. It's kind of nice to have a couple of guys who can't seem to die looking out for you.

Going back to Purgatory is a selfish thing to do, but Benny knows Dean doesn't see it that way. He's too fixated on that brother of his and the guilt of asking something like this of his friend. But it's a sign of trust. For both of them. Truth is, Benny needs to go back, but he never could have done it himself, so he's thankful that his friend, his brother, called on him to do this favor. Benny is happy to be the one to bring Sam back, to give Dean the one thing he can't live without. It's a paradoxical privilege. In the same way Benny is happy and sad that he will never see Dean again.

"Family don't end with blood," Bobby had always said. "Family makes you miserable." Nothing could be more true of how he feels about Dean Winchester. It's Dean and Sam that make Bobby hang on to life and hang on in death. He's lectured them so many times, taught them about hunting and how to throw a baseball. Bobby'd never had any kids, but he had Sam and Dean. He loved them like his own flesh and blood. He's waiting for them at the Roadhouse. Though, he hopes they won't be along too soon.

John knows he failed Dean in so many ways. He knows he missed the hurt look in his son's eyes when John made him feel as if he had failed in some way. But John also knows that Dean never gave up on their family. He held them together. He raised Sam when John was too busy seeking revenge and focusing on his own pain. Dean was the one who always said everything would be okay, the one who held on when John wanted to give up, who made him believe there was something to live for. John knows he can't take back all the ways he failed Dean. He also knows that Dean will survive in spite of them, that he's a better man that John ever hoped to be.

"Angels are watching over you. Mary says it every night. She doesn't know exactly why, but something tells her Dean will need it later in life. Something tells her she won't be there to protect him from the monsters she's tried so hard to run from. Maybe her family is cursed. But if they are, Dean will still be okay. She knows from the way he reassures her, saying "Dad still loves you." How can he know? How can he be so grown up? "I love you too," he says. Mary knows it will be the last time he says those words to her.


End file.
